If you want to improve your relationships with people, ask more questions.
If you want to build empathy, ask more questions.
If you want to lead more effectively, ask more questions.
If you want to learn, ask more questions.
If you want to uncover deeper insights, ask more questions.
If you want to encourage innovation, ask more questions.
If you want to solve problems faster, ask more questions.
If you want to motivate and empower your team, ask more questions.
If you want to create a culture of continuous improvement, ask more questions.
Here's why people hesitate to use this powerful communication approach:
Fear of Looking Dumb: People worry about seeming less knowledgeable than they are. They might be locked into thinking of questions as a way to gather information that is missing; as though, we only ask questions when we don’t know the answers. I’m pretty sure when a teacher asks a student a question, or a parent asks a child a question, the teacher or parent often knows the answer and is asking a question to help the child think and come up with the answer on their own. How empowering.
Breaking Cultural Norms: Some cultures discourage questioning superiors. Questions are perceived as “questioning” as opposed to “discovering”, and so they’re viewed as a challenge to authority or a lack of respect for the power differences.
Lack of Confidence: Sometimes people aren’t confident enough to speak up. Someone lower in the hierarchy, or new to a team or organization, may not have the confidence to voice their opinion or question someone else’s. They may fear appearing ill-informed, or they may feel they’re overstepping. Or perhaps they’re not confident in their ability to ask questions in a productive, non-threatening, non-aggressive way.
Wasting too much time: There’s a misconception that asking, rather than telling, is a waste of time. “Who has time to play this game of questions while we wait for someone to figure out what they need to do? It’s much faster and more efficient for me to just tell them what to do. I’m the boss, after all, so isn’t it my responsibility to know everything anyway?”
But let’s suspend these concerns for a bit and consider what happens when we ask more questions:
We understand things better. We gain deeper insights and have an opportunity to have a glimpse at other perspectives.
There’s increased engagement because people feel valued and heard. Participation increases. People aren’t afraid to share, put their ideas forth, or inquire about things they don’t understand.
People are better problem-solvers. We become aware of and have a chance to explore different angles, options, and solutions.
Our relationships are better because with genuine curiosity comes trust, respect, vulnerability, and humanness.
Innovation takes off as new ideas and creative thinking emerge and get traction.
Then as we think of how this culture of questions can impact the organization as a whole, it becomes even more compelling:
Collaboration increases. Teams work better and ideas are shared openly for the good of all. Creative problem-solving is the result.
It leads to an environment of continuous learning and development. It’s not a “bad” thing to not know. No one has to pretend they don’t know something and are open to learning from the experiences and expertise of others. This continuous learning drives innovation and improvement as there’s more opportunity for people to put their heads together.
There are fewer misunderstandings because questions lead to more open dialogue and greater transparency.
People feel empowered. They feel engaged, invested, valuable, and like their voice matters. This allows everyone to contribute and it also allows people to speak up without fear.
A culture of questions is a culture of continuous improvement, innovation, engagement, and excellence.
But not all questions are created equal.
As in all communication, the trick to our success is to be flexible; to know when to do what. There’s a time and a place to tell and direct; there’s a time and a place for a nice closed question for clarification or to check on knowledge or the facts; and there’s a time and a place for well-crafted open-ended questions.
Part of the trick is being clear on your audience and purpose. You need clarity on this so that you know whether, when, and how to ask your questions.
If you’re in a situation where you’ve decided it’s a “time for questions” then it’s a matter of knowing how to ask effective ones.
Closed questions, that give you a yes or no or a one or two-word answer, are not going to give you too much information, but at times they’re exactly what you need to get the info you need:
Did Bill call you?
What time is the meeting?
Who has to be at the opening meeting?
If you’re trying to get someone to open up and share their thinking you want to go for more open-ended questions but you want to keep away from “why” questions as much as possible. When we hear “why” many of us have a reflexive defensive reaction. It feels like we’re being questioned in a critical way: “Why did you do that?” feels more like “Why did you do that, you idiot?”
Lucikly, we can almost always change a “why” into a “how” or a “what” which allows us to get the dialogue going without bringing in the touchy emotional charge that tends to accompany a “why”:
How did you decide on this approach?
What led to this conclusion?
What options did you consider?
What else could we do?
How will this affect x, y, or z?
One final word to the wise. Give space. Don’t rush in. After you ask a question, brace yourself for an awkward silence. Rest assured that it’s not quite as awkward for the other person; their mind is working on an answer. So allow a few extra beats of silence and have some patience. And wait for the rewards.